Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Dear Man please!!! (Part 1)

Dear Man please!!! (Part 1)
 "Though I know some men are gonna not so like me so much after this post, but you see I wouldn't want to confuse who reads this because men don't like getting busted for anything, well- especially when you know or play the game better than they do, they get  pissed at you, hate your guts and still like your fine butt though, I'm washing some dirty laundry out here people so don't read if its gonna burn your eyes"  

Before you’re done reading this fresh gift from me to you, you’re going to be like  “Are you some slut? Laughing and thinking “This should be on the Jerry Springer show” and finally “Well,” when you’re done seeing this situation through my own eyes, hope you find it worth your reading time.

I’m just like your typical university female student, I attend classes, read and sleep at the school library (because the Kenneth Dike library is so so so conducive and air-condition packed), I dress to impress because I wouldn’t want to die looking terrible nor ugly, I attend almost all school club parties because you only get to be young just once in your life, I hang out with friends out of boredom and pick up my books only when exams comes knocking, I’m a little bit popular in my faculty and department because of my manageable grades in my academics, I think I was the type of girl you would hate to love or love to hate because how I always passed my exams were even mysterious to me, I was on a 3rd class though but at-least I never carried nor failed a course which always surprised people, you would wonder how come people  get to find out about my grades if I didn’t go about shouting that I wasn’t a failure into their ears, well fellow students/course-mates had the knack of going through others results before checking theirs once its been posted out on the notice board, they always check so as to ease their own anxiety, gauge their own results before even seeing it and also make fun of people who deserved to fail when they actually fail, hope and pray strongly not to be among such people as well, I would confess I do the same thing sometimes. I am going to be 21 in December and I hope to graduate next year with a cool grade though and also make sure that my university days are not so boring so I can have things to tell my children and children’s children that granny was super-hot in college no lies. I shop at the well known shopping mall just adjacent to my university gate and believe me those people mostly have some really nice wears and shoes like every time, I am a shopaholic and I’m good at getting broke most times, I crave the latest designer’s shoes, clothes and perfumes and that was always a place I like to take a new guy to when he wanted to know my favorite place in the world and if he’s willing to burn his debit card I dare not say ‘no‘ to such. As a typical young girl in school I also get to meet thirsty married men if you know what I mean and as I always brag not to be interested in them but I’m kind of attracted to them, I mean they are the most tempting species of humans on earth apart from the men in professional sports, this married men are usually enticing when insisting on getting a girl, they would travel and spend anything on any butt they wanted but do not forget your brain when dealing with them, don’t get carried away with their smiles, looks and words because at the end of the whole transaction you would certainly get dumped. I do not so much fancy them but I would tell you about the one I got involved with sometime ago, crucify me but stupidity in humans is inevitable and I apologize if this write-up affects anyone in anyway, truly sorry…….next paragraph though.

I had just woke up from a little sleep at Kenneth Dike’s library when my one and only school crush sat at my reading table, I think I must’ve been burning with blushing but you wouldn’t know because I’m a black girl, I mean like I rarely fancied my fellow school mates that were males just because I just feel they are too childish for my liking and for your information I never dated any of them not even kissed any but there’s this dude I’ve been liking for God knows when but I heard he has some girlfriend or so, well he was sitting at my table at the moment and I was  so worried about my sleepy eyes, table scars from sleeping and the possibility that I had been drooling before waking up, I rested my forehead on both hands thinking I was hiding my face and was deciding on the most not so awkward way to get up and leave the library without him noticing my now ugly face. I felt a tap on my shoulder and I was like “oh my God, he’s about to talk to me“ I braced my self to face the consequence of sleeping in a public library and turned to the left direction he was sitting but standing right on my left was a friend of mine Yemisi smiling down at me “sleeping goat, gerrup jor!“ she said teasing me and though I was disappointed I was also relieved as she was blocking his view of me and that was even if he had been staring at me, you know you can have a crush and your crush wouldn’t even know you existed, shaking my heard I giggle and asked her not to move while I wipe my face and adjusted my dress before getting up, Yemisi who was almost always hungry with her nice big butt grabbed my hand to go along with her to get lunch before going back to the hostel, I peeped to see if he had looked my way but I couldn’t be so sure about that now because he was all so glued to whatever he was reading, I thought “good, but not so good though“, I stylishly hid behind Yemisi as we left the library and hoped he was staring at my backside figure, would soon forget about him as soon as I step outside though but I certainly can’t deny the flush I feel on my face every time I see him.

Yemisi decided to bully me about my crush as soon as we got outside the library and we both laughed about it but were soon talking about something else before getting to the Tantalizer’s cafeteria to eat lunch, Yemisi who drooled over married men with money gave me the gist on the Saturday date she had last week, the date she had lent a dress of mine to go to, I had told her to keep it though because I was so big on not taking back stuffs I borrow to people moreover the dress was really nice on her as she was the curvy girl of all men’s specks, she fell into almost all the category of what men like, I on the other side was the slim girl who wasn’t also not bad looking but limited to one or two speck of women men wanted and liked. She told me she went shopping too and presented me with a bag of gifts, she had gotten me two new dresses and a pair of beautiful shoes, she new my size and taste and I was ecstatic about them, I knew for her to get me these stuffs that she must had bought loads of stuffs for herself I wouldn’t want to say she was the stingy type but again I’m not even near being offended, she gave when she wanted to without feeling compelled to do so too. She told me about her bank transaction too and whatever happened the night that led to all that she was telling me at the cafeteria- I have my mouth zipped on that. I wasn’t even jealous though but just like the human that I was I wondered why I wasn’t the one who met the man she was so excitedly telling me about, I wondered why I didn’t have her very appealing body “Maybe I would had been the one in her shoes by now.“ I thought, well can’t worry about that I waved it off my mind atleast I got 2 dresses and a pair of shoes just by lending something to a friend, ‘ That wasn’t so bad.” I thought. I smiled genuinely at her as she went on with the whole event of that day till she finally added “A friend of his wants to meet a friend of mine oh! He said he liked slim fine girls and I thought of you, would you like to meet him because he’s just as rich as well oh!” she said to me and I was indeed surprised and felt a sense of guilt for what I had been thinking previously and asked if she was sure this so called person would like me to the extent of being so crazy about me without me even trying to impress and she finally added that he had seen my picture and she even told her new catch that I was prettier in person than what he was drooling about in the picture and she needed my permission to give him my number, I smiled and asked if she was really serious about it and she said she was so I was like  “Of-course, give him my number, hope he’s got some good money oh and he’s not the beer belly kind” because I was also choosy on the men of my choice and I know my dear Yemisi didn’t mind what you looked like but just as soon as she smells you bulky money your face magically transforms into handsome to her and that was all she knew, I wouldn’t want to end up with some bald headed fat belly man looking like 10 of  me, no way……no way……no way. We concluded that she would send my number to her new boyfriend or man-friend! So that he could give it to his friend and that I should expect his call pretty soon. We left the cafeteria to our hostel though different rooms and I was excited to try on my new wears.

The next week passed and I got no call from the so called Mister Man that I had been expecting, I gave up waiting once 1 week lapse and thought she must had had a whiff of my genuine envy when she was talking about her new catch and thought of telling me something to make me feel better, I shrugged at myself and picked up a romance novel I had been reading in my room and decided to go take my bath instead cause I bet I must’ve been stinking already, I always felt so lazy to take my bath everytime I wasn’t having lectures or any reason to leave my hostel although I had a pending assignment to write but wasn’t ready to start with that, I pushed myself off the bed to grab my towel and all my necessary bathing stuffs and tools, you would think I was planning on transforming in the bathroom when you see all I take to take my bath in the bathroom, I love taking care of myself though and smelling good, believe me men are attracted to this, I always wanted to be fresh everytime I went out, it was already 5pm and I knew I would want to step out at-least just for the sake of leaving my bed. I proceeded to undressing to wrap myself in my towel while eavesdropping to my room-mate who was always lamenting about her boyfriend again to her friend, I wasn’t in the mood to advice her this time around because I don’t know why she’s still with the guy who makes her unhappy, I mean like except if she’s not a goat she’d keep going back to him and its not even like the so called BOY did anything tangible for her- he crowned everything all up by dating and deceiving other girls just like her but I guess the guy has some good talents if all these girls keep going back to him, I shook my head and picked up my toilet bag  laughing at my room-mate within me “poor girl”, my phone rang in time for me to leave the room and I almost didn’t want to go back and pick up the phone, “Lola “my room-mate was already calling my name as I almost stepped out of the room,  I told her I was about to pick it up anyways and I went for my phone, I stared at the strange number calling and wasn’t sure I wanted to pick up because I had been avoiding some people for a while now, I had the habit of being  quick at deleting phone numbers off my phone which I usually blame myself for because I always end up picking up unwanted calls at the end of the day. I missed the first call and the second one came in before I could return the phone, I sighed and answered the call, I whispered hello to hear the voice of who was calling and it wasn’t whomever I must’ve been expecting it to be so I relaxed, within a minute my caller was chatting me up and I was careful not to sound so convincing and then he finally introduced himself as Dele, he said he was a friend to Yemisi and had been dying to meet me (I rolled my eyes because it took him 1 whole week to prove this), he said he’s been so busy for while now and just thought of talking to me to ease himself and I giggled sweetly at this like I meant it, he said I was a really beautiful girl with a lovely physique and would love to meet me in person, I giggled again and asked why he wanted to meet me, he said he wouldn’t want to miss the chance of a life time not to come across a beauty like mine and to tell you the truth I was indeed flattered at all the psyches he was throwing at me, he finally said he would be coming to Ibadan which was where my university was located for some business meeting on a Friday and also to get some pleasure as well and in response to this I sounded unsure about being available on that day and lied that I would be having classes and was onto finishing my assignment which had the deadline of that same day after all I thought  “you had to wait till you come over here before you called me, what am I? A call girl or what? “  He laughed and said we could still see in the evening time as he would be busy during the day, he also added that Yemisi told him that I was a shopaholic and he hopped I wouldn’t finish his money when he comes over, I faked a laugh even though I was smiling from ear to ear after hearing this and yes, he had passed the needed message and I picked it up clearly, I said I would let him know before then if I would be available which meant that if he didn’t keep tabs on me he wouldn’t be seeing me then, he gave me some more psyches and got me laughing genuinely because he was kind of funny, after some minutes of talking we ended the call with him promising to talk to me later but I wasn’t banking on this promise though. I dropped the phone and smiled to myself thinking about all the shopping and the money of this world, I picked up my phone again and checked him out on face book, he looked good enough if I was sure I was checking out the real person, I think he looked like some billion dollars too. I dropped my phone and knew I was going to have a happy time in the bathroom.... to be continued.

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